Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
