you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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