Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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