saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You're a waste of cheezeits
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
