You work out of a Hotel?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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