butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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