about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
