grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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