I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
