Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
