do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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