My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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