I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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