I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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