At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
