Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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