i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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