he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
