under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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