Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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