Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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