sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
