My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
not ubering you a puppy
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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