I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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