If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
