Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Randomize
