Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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