He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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