12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
