So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
