so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
