watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
