Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
