I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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