So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
