I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
