If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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