I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
