Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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