he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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