Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
