ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
