i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
