it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
