i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
