a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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