I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i was born a porn star she said
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
