first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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