At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
