are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
