The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
