new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
