Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
