Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
