Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
