Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
